It is not that I don’t love what I have. I do.
It is not that I am not grateful for the place I was born in and the people I grew up with. I am.
It is not that the pace of life is not suitable. It can be.
By waking up at 7:30 am, jumping out of the same bed every day to rush in the same way as always; looking at the same “me”, from the same perspective, in the same dirty mirror of a bathroom whose light is artificial each and every day; wearing clothes chose for “impressing” no one but myself, using a fragrancy scented equally every day, performing daily tasks with the same rigor, perfectionism, as characterizes me since forever, I started feeling conquered by the circumstances.
All of these… life being just one… time going by as fast as the light speed… soul craving for different stimulus and inspirations.
It started not making sense anymore to endure a situation that was not allowing me to live a free and joyful life.
The right thing is always the thing we do in order to reach a better peak of the mountain, allowing us to look at a more dazzling sunset – it doesn’t matter what is the life we choose, it is just about how fulfilled we are and how meaningful it is.
We were not given this blissful life to survive only, to overcome pain and frustration and wait for “the” day: to be more fulfilled, to feel more free, to find a soulmate, to wake up more enlightened. We were given this incredible life to live each day as if it was the last. When we wake up, every morning, there are thousands who don’t, so looking to the ceiling and thank the fact that we are alive, will probably help us to renew the chatter of our minds.
I remember that sometimes I was trying to explain to friends and family how unidentified I felt with the things around me: relationships patterns, ways of eating, books most sold, TV shows and series watched, beliefs followed and even the almost-obligation-to-love-the-blood-ones. The majority part of my interlocutors would accept my feelings without understanding them. A sadness would come from the bottom of myself. A sentiment of being impotent. An incapacity of flowing with the stream.
It changed in the day I started to give importance to my own wellbeing, my own truth and essence.
It changed when I finally realised we are all different from each other and that I didn’t need to try to suit them all.
It changed when I comprehended I was free like a bird to depart to new destinies – world has around 193 countries! Lucky us.
And no, I am not escaping. I am just looking for different perspectives and an expansion of myself.
Though, even if you feel like running away from something, who cares? You keep going and the rewards are way more than the reasons that made you leave.
«Enjoy the process», I say to myself, «enjoy the process, because life is not the book you are reading to your grandchildren. You can fail, you can fall off, it can end in a bad way. Just go for it, so that you have stories to tell».